Join for FREE | Take the Tour Lost Password?
[x]

deviantART

 


The wind blew across the snow covered landscape giving a colder edge to an already cold and empty world. The snow stretched out as far as the eye could see - an undisturbed blanket of white covering the rolling hills. It was paradise. It was perfect.

A small figure in white appeared, disturbing the snow, yet this too was perfect. The girl ran through the snow laughing with pure innocent joy. The landscape seemed to welcome the noisy intrusion. It brought much needed warmth to the coldness of the winter-locked land.

The figure stopped at the crest of the hill and looked out on the land she had yearned to find. She smiled as the wind blew across the land, catching her long dark hair making it flutter almost dreamlike – a compliment to the dreamland she stood in. A single tear of joy rolled down her pale cheek. She had been looking for this place for so long and now it was here before her. She never wanted to leave.

“Maia wake up.”

The girl’s eyes fluttered open. She scanned the room quickly then sighed as the realisation sunk in – she was in the real world again. A profound sadness settled on her as she realised she was no longer in that perfect world. That world she had wanted to stay in forever, where it was always cold and fresh, not like the real world that was warm and rotten.

The boy who held her hand smiled even though there was worry and concern in his eyes. There was complete silence except for the beeping of medical equipment. A man in a white coat with a young girl, who looked just like Maia should have done, stood quietly in the corner of the room. The young girl was crying.

“Maia, why did you go?” asked the boy trying to get her attention.

Maia’s eyes partly focused on the dark haired boy who was her only friend. She smiled as she remembered that world she had escaped to all too briefly.

“I went to where it snowed,” she whispered. Her throat was so dry, she could not remember the last time she had eaten or drank.

The boy frowned as he clasped her cold skeletal hand more firmly.

“It’s not real, Maia.”

She weakly shook her head, “It doesn’t matter.”

“But it should,” her friend looked almost angry but there was still that sadness in his eyes, “That world doesn’t exist. It’s just a virtual world that you created. No amount of computers can replace this world. Why are you so desperate to go?”

The wasted child smiled sadly, “It’s never winter here. This world is broken and I found one that’s better. I want to live in a world where it’s always winter - where everything is so fresh and clean. It’s the only beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life.”

Tears began to roll down the boy’s cheeks, “It’s not real. If you go there again then you can’t come back.”

“So?”

“You’re so selfish sometimes,” the boy sobbed as he stared at the ground, “I would move the world for you. I would do anything for you. I would make this place stay in winter forever if it would make you stay.

“Your sister will miss you,” the young girl in the corner looked up at the boy’s mention of her.

“I will miss you. Please don’t leave me all alone.”

The girl weakly stroked the boy’s cheek with a withered hand, “You’re never alone John, not like me. Why can’t you let me go?”

Maia’s hand dropped as her eyes seemed to drift off to stare at some distant place. The young girl redoubled her crying as her sister left the world.

“Because I love you,” whispered the boy as he looked up.

The doctor’s hand touched his shoulder, “I’m sorry, son. We’ve lost her.”

The boy looked up at the doctor, his vision blurred with tears.

“I know.”

============================

John found himself with Maia’s sister as she lay there bleeding in the snow next to Maia’s inert form.

They had both grown over the years since Maia had left them. They had stayed together all that time but to the sister’s despair - John could not get over Maia. That despair had finally overcome her after all those unfairly lonely years.

John had changed the world for Maia. He had tried to keep her sister alive as she repeatedly tried to end her life. He had tried so hard to bring her back. All three of them could be happy if she would only come back but he had failed. Maia was gone and now her sister was going too. He was going to be truly alone.

“Why?” asked the young man.

The dying woman smiled, “I want you to be happy. We were never happy together. All you want is Maia, not me.”

The man shook his head, “This doesn’t make me happy.”

“Don’t be sad, John. I’m not,” whispered Maia’s sister.

“You made the world into winter but that still wasn’t enough,” she coughed, “Maybe my death will be enough to bring her back.”

After a few moments she finally died and the last vestiges of happiness and hope died in John with her. He sat there next to the corpse of the woman weeping. He had done everything he could for Maia, so had her sister, but still she would not come back. She had abandoned her only family for a dream.

His fists clenched as he resolved to do one last thing. The man pulled a wire out of his neck and slammed it into Maia’s. There was a jerk then he too fell to the ground.

A blank white landscape stretched out before him. He looked all around him but he could not see Maia.

The man ran across the hills blindly searching for his love but everywhere was just an empty white expanse. She was nowhere to be found. Eventually he came to a halt on the crest of a hill. The wind howled past him but he barely noticed it.

“So you abandon us all?” he shouted into the wind, “You don’t even try to live. I changed the world for you. Your sister died for you.”

He fell to his knees.

“And you wouldn’t let me bring you back”

Snow began to fall in both worlds. It covered everything - all the buildings, the hills, the frozen rivers, the forests, the gardens and three people who had been too scared to live.
©2007-2009 =TheeForsakenOne
:icontheeforsakenone:

Author's Comments

This is my entry for the story contest at ... and it won :) [link] .

Comments greatly appreciated :).

Critiques


Thank you for your Critique

You are not logged in.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 4 4 wow 2 2 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconwhatthethundersaid:
mm, fascinating writing, really nice. So many subtleties that really add to it, but function just as a backdrop, like the technology aspect--really interesting.

Now, another thing i like about this piece is that it is hard to discern your, theauthor's, comment on what's happening.
:icontheeforsakenone:
Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your comments :thanks:.

--
Member of the Writer's Guild: [link]
:iconredrum-110:
That's depressing :( ...Liked the effect of the Winter fantasy world and the real world coming together at the end. The emotions also seemed very genuine. Good luck with the contest.
Dom

PS You think it's a bit weird being given a contest about Winter as Summer's approaching? Hmm
:icontheeforsakenone:
Thanks for the comments :thanks:. Personally I didn't find the ending depressing (makes a change) but I'm glad it seemed genuine to you - means it worked :nod:.

Yeah, I was thinking that but the contest has been going on for a while now since they haven't got that many entries. They should probably actually end it soonish.

--
Member of the Writer's Guild: [link]
:iconomegaproject:
well thats just a downer...

what i dont get is why is every other story and every but one poem have such negative themes.

winter is my favorite season and i've always associated it with bliss and serenity, its sort of weird for me when it revolves around such a downer of a story...

though i shouldnt be talking, i almost wrote a war story for the contest myself...

--
needs more cowbell

:ahoy: > :ninja:
get over it
:icontheeforsakenone:
I intended to write a happy story but it didn't work out that way. That's just the way of things. Personally, I love winter - it's my favourite time of the year :).

Thanks for reading.

--
Member of the Writer's Guild: [link]
:iconomegaproject:
no problem, it was well written. u got my vote, now read my entry! XP

--
needs more cowbell

:ahoy: > :ninja:
get over it
:icontheeforsakenone:
Gah, not so good with poetry. I can't tell a bad one from a good one :/. I will still comment though, even if it's just "I like it" ^^.

--
Member of the Writer's Guild: [link]
:iconhugznstuff:
Wow, I think it was a great story, I can imagine everthing so vividly in my mind. Awesome Job!!!

--
HUGz
:icontheeforsakenone:
Thanks for the comments :thanks:.

--
Member of the Writer's Guild: [link]

Details

April 16, 2007
6.3 KB

Statistics

48
8 [who?]
583 (0 today)
23 (0 today)

Site Map